The Happy Child: Changing the Heart of Education by Steven Harrison

I recently read a book that truly intrigued me. Now, a disclaimer:

Discussing this title can raise the fur on quite a few backs as it is certainly not the norm. Nor, does it represent my entire way of thinking. I mention this book because I agree with its premise, not its every point. I do not have to be a devout follower of someone else’s belief system to appreciate what I can learn from them.

So, here we go. The book for discussion today is The Happy Child: Changing the Heart of Education by Steven Harrison.

The author definitely has a platform and agenda, but he is straight forward about it. Many would say Steven Harrison is fighting a losing battle. Maybe so, but he made me think about a lot of assumptions I make in a much clearer light. For me, the book seemed to follow a principle that our prophets have been teaching us for years: the catalyst for any change, good or bad, is formed within the family. That makes many things The Happy Child suggests within my power and worthy of my consideration. I simply used the book as a check-up system to see if I’m doing everything I can to give my children a happy childhood.

Essentially, our children are growing up in a world that continually says, “hurry and grow-up” and I don’t think that is what Heavenly Father’s plan of happiness is really about. Every child has a unique and beautiful spirit as well as a unique and beautiful purpose in life, and Satan seems to work very hard to make sure that these same sweet children never figure out what that is because they can’t be the same as Johnny or Sue or even mom or dad.

How many times in the last general conference did you hear a speaker tell us to “become as a little child?” Were they talking about the child who can flawlessly put on her make-up by age eleven, or the child who has reached the highest level in three of the most popular video games, or the child that feels like a failure because he doesn’t seem to fit the mold that every other child does? No. They were talking about children who have joy, peace, an awareness of the Savior and who they are as children of God.

Here are a few of Steven Harrison’s points that caught my eye the most. If they ring true for you, pick up The Happy Child and spend a few moments finding its messages to you and your family stewardship.

1. We often try to teach kids discipline by forcing them to do something that they don’t want to do, rather than by asking them to see the consequences of their actions and to take responsibility for their words, deeds, and the reaction of those around them. Discipline is not just being able to do the thing that we don’t want to do, but also being able to do the hard things that we do want to do.

2. Fear is often the measurement of how we are doing relative to each other, not as friends, colleagues, or members of community, but as competitors.

3. The child is built to be what the child is. This seems like an unnecessary and self-defining statement. But, the common view is that children are to be molded, trained, educated. In this view children do not have an inherent life force that deserves the respect we accord to the adult population . . . For those who see the child as born failed and broken, in need of repair and redirection, education will mean a revamping of the child that is, into the child that should be. For the sophisticated parent, the child, while not broken, needs the enlightenment of implanted values, specifically the parental values.

4. Is it any surprise that children are blowing up, breaking down, tuning out, withdrawing, measuring their worth by their test scores and designer jeans, and communicating through pagers, cell phones, and instant messaging in order to hook up for drive-by relationships, drive-through food, and driven lives? This is . . . what they learned . . . to be faster and better, or more precisely, that they were not fast enough or good enough. Some learned to run harder, some learned to give up. A very few children, endowed with an unusual measure of common sense and innate trust in themselves, learned that they are just fine, as they are, whatever they are.

5. This is why you shouldn’t trust anyone over three. Young children are simply curious. Learning something doesn’t fulfill their interest. This thirst cannot be quenched by answers. They want to know more, regardless of what they have found out so far. Their question in life is their life. We can’t answer their question. We can, however, join them in their question. That would require us to abandon all our answers. We might lose track of time. We might not get anything done today. There may be no point to the question at all. The whole thing may be totally pointless, like a game without a score, without a conclusion, without a . . . winner.

Return to the Neighborhood

And while you're there, subscribe to our fantastic newsletter. In addition to being able to shop in the new virtual neighborhood, the LDS newsletter brings you LDS articles, LDS products, LDS services, LDS resources and LDS interviews from around the world—all with an LDS focus. Look for issues delivered to your email inbox every week on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday.

LDS Newsletter Subscriptions are FREE, and joining is easy.

All Rain, No Mud by Sharon Larsen

Watching with baited breath as friends of mine struggled this past month with the forces of nature, made me think of a sweet little book on my shelf that has become one of my favorites. All Rain, No Mud: Simple Secrets for Happiness . . . Even on Rainy Days by Sharon Larsen is a classic.

Ok, I know you thought I was going to talk about an emergency preparedness title, didn’t you? J Nope, I’m happy to report that most members of the church whom I have heard from (or about) after the hurricanes had one thing in common. They were prepared. They took the prophet’s advice and heeded the dangers and warnings about the areas they lived in and could feel some measure of peace and security in the midst of a very big life storm.

Today, I’d like to talk about a different kind of emergency preparedness. See, in my opinion there are just times when life is one big, fat, emergency and somebody forgot to hand you one of those blaze orange life vests when you got on this crazy ride. Not all of us will face the same type of rain that my friends did in the hurricane, but there is still plenty of rain. Sometimes it’s just different and we don’t have much warning when it’s going to hit. To weather these kinds of storms requires just as much heed to the prophet. We all could do with a little more spiritual shoring up.

To me, Sharon Larsen is an expert on shoring up for life’s hazards and All Rain, No Mud is a wonderful book of heart-to-heart council and ponderings for many of us. It’s not thick; it’s not elaborate or scholarly. It’s sweet and simple, but it’s also poignant.

All Rain, No Mud gently points out that yes, rain will occur but it can lead to wonderful things. Each chapter takes just a few minutes of time to read, but it can take hours to ponder what the message means to you. Here are a few of the chapter titles and a few of my favorite thoughts from the text.

• Doing in Love What I Love to Do
• Reflections on Style and Substance
• Second Best and Still Okay
• Slow Growing

“Patience and perspective are inextricably connected. The amount of patience I need depends on whose tower I am viewing life from. . . There are times when I have been consumed with my own broken dreams and ready to quite or retaliate. I have felt unappreciated, hurt, and despitefully used. Then the Spirit whispers to me from yet another tower: ‘How many times have you taken from the Lord and never recognized His gifts? How many times has he carried your sorrows and pain and you have not understood? His love is extended all the day long. He may have to withhold blessings, but never, never His love.’”

And my personal favorite:

“I was visiting a dear friend whose common sense and insight I respect. I [told her how busy I was] and she listened patiently. Then she said, ‘It takes some kind of arrogance to think you can accomplish all those tasks with any kind of effectiveness.’

Arrogance! That word sent me home thinking. What was I doing with my life, and was I simply stroking my ego by taking on all the things I was trying to do? . . . Was my calendar being filled with my ego and insecurities or with honest priorities?”

Ok, maybe it’s just me but I’m terribly guilty of that last one. What my heart says and what my mind decides to do are often two very different things. If I’m honest with myself there are many days I fill my time up with things that are visible to others but don’t really matter toward developing myself into who I really want to be as a daughter of God. Considering the arrogance factor has been a great help to me when I’m feeling overwhelmed. Am I trying to be “somebody”, or am I trying to be me?

Is it raining at your house? It’s been raining a lot at my house lately, too. If you could use a dear friend to teach you about walking in the rain, pick up All Rain, No Mud. It will do your muddy heart some good.

Return to the Neighborhood

And while you're there, subscribe to our fantastic newsletter. In addition to being able to shop in the new virtual neighborhood, the LDS newsletter brings you LDS articles, LDS products, LDS services, LDS resources and LDS interviews from around the world—all with an LDS focus. Look for issues delivered to your email inbox every week on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday.

LDS Newsletter Subscriptions are FREE, and joining is easy.

Enjoying the Journey by Jamie Theler with Deborah Talmadge

I have a confession to make. I read a lot of “how-to” books (which frightens my husband a bit, trying to figure out which “how-tos” I might actually try). The “how-to” books that I don’t read are probably the ones that could help me the most. I don’t read “Life is great, this is how to be happy” books. Why? They depress me. Their “simple” steps to happiness are far from simple for me and I come away feeling even worse about how I’m living my life. If what they say is true then obviously it should be easier and I’m getting something major wrong that I can’t seem to fix. Make sense?

I know it’s counterintuitive to everything the gospel teaches but that’s the power of Satan. He knows me well and makes sure I notice how inadequate I am in the face of such “simple” solutions that seem to work for “everyone else”. So that’s the big confession, I don’t read books that might actually be of use to me because I’m too afraid they won’t work and I’m too far gone already.

I love and respect Jamie Theler and Deborah Talmadge, authors of Enjoying the Journey: Steps to Finding Joy Now. When this book came out, I put its title on my reading list because I like to rejoice in my friend’s successes. Sadly, it kept finding its way to the bottom of the list. Even though I knew Jaime was real person with real problems and real outlooks she obviously knew something about this whole life thing that I wasn’t getting. I didn’t want to find out what that was. I didn’t want to have to admit that even though she got it, I couldn’t.

I know that my personal struggles are nothing compared to those many men and women face, but still they are struggles because, well, I struggle with them. Just like many of you, these trials can weigh me down until I switch from enjoyment to survival mode. Sadly, I probably find myself in survival mode much more often than I find myself in enjoyment mode.

Eventually it did happen. I opened the book and began to read and I was bawling before I was half-way through the first chapter. Jaime was describing me and the way I feel when others seem to point out what I’m lacking. Jaime and Deborah weren’t afraid to talk about their own human frailties. They’d tried everything that seemed to work for everybody else and still felt a void. Their answer? We don’t have all the answers for you, but we know where you can get them. We’ll teach you how to ask God and work with Him. He’s the only one who can make things right for you.

I know it sounds weird, but for me that was the most important part of the book- knowing that the people who wrote it honestly understand where I’m coming from. I didn’t feel belittled, incompetent, or talked down to within these pages. They aren’t testifying of their own triumph over huge and seemingly insurmountable trials, just every day things we all face. They are human and understood I am too.

I love the fact that each chapter not only lays it on the line and gives valuable insight but the authors don’t leave it at that. Most of us can read a self-help book and say, “Yeah, that’s what I need to do” but not come away with any realistic idea of how to accomplish it. Enjoying the Journey really wants to help you. Jaime and Deborah not only give you the thoughts and ideas, they give you the simple (yes, really) steps and methods you can use to make it happen in your own life in a practical down-to-earth way.

If you’re humble and open-minded, if you truly desire to make the most out of your time here on earth, there’s great wisdom to be found in Enjoying the Journey. If your like me and can’t figure out how to get a batch of laundry folded, much less establish a house of order, then just plant that first seed of faith. Buy the book; place it on your bedside table where you can see it. One day when you’re feeling brave just take a peek. Just a little one. See if you don’t feel at home within this book’s cover. If you’ll at least try, you’ll begin to figure out where your own joy in the journey can come from.

Join the Neighborhood Newsletter . . . Subscriptions are free and joining is easy. Just by signing up and maintaining your subscription to receive the yourLDSneighborhood.com newsletter, you become eligible for our "Thank You" prizes. Our dozens of giveaways range from a trip for two to China, to iPods® (each with a $50 gift certificate for LDS music), cruises, and more.

Learn about our amazing monthly, quarterly, and annual giveaways by clicking here.

Return to the Neighborhood

Creativity and Procrastination

There are plenty of things that I procrastinate doing regularly. Bathrooms and dishes come to mind. But there are other things that I don’t really try to procrastinate and though I’m not quite sure why it always ends up appearing that way. Here’s the thing. When I have something creative to do, even if others wouldn’t see it as such, like preparing a lesson or writing a note of comfort, it takes me forever to settle on what needs to happen. When do I get my best ideas? Yep, you guessed it, right at the last possible moment.

My husband used to think I’d do this to him on purpose. I’d know about a project for weeks, putz around with it and at ten o’clock on the night before it’s due I suddenly hit on just exactly the right thing to say or do. Then I’m up all night and imposing upon him to help me race to the finish line.

I promise it’s not on purpose. I’d been thinking and plotting the entire time. Sometimes I think it’s the Lord’s sense of humor coming through. No matter how much I discuss things with Him, no matter how much the task rolls around in my brain, no matter how often I sit down to put pen to paper, the real inspiration comes not a moment before it’s absolutely needed. I think He likes to watch me scramble and mutter under my breath like a crazy woman. I must admit it’s sometimes a very funny sight.

When it comes time for me to write the next Primary curriculum I only have a few weeks (six if I’m lucky) to write and polish the entire book. I manage to do it every time. When it’s all over I’m tired but still exhilarated by what I’ve done. I tell myself, “Now, do that three times a year and you might actually get half way through your writing to-do list before you die.” It never really happens because there is no deadline breathing down my neck for that to do list to get done.

I love the way creativity affects me. I love knowing that my thoughts, actions and words are being guided by someone greater than I. I love making something that will inspire and uplift people around me, so why can’t I do that more often than I do? It’s got to be some twisted form of procrastination. I suspect many creative people feel the same way, I’ve heard many an author proclaim that they need, or work best, with a deadline. My quandary seems to be about the same thing.

So, how do I separate the deadline from the creativity? How do I impose my own deadlines and have my creativity actually listen to me? There is so much more that I know I’m capable of creating, but until someone external to myself says, “Do it, I need it by Tuesday.” I fight with myself, toss ideas around, type a few words, try a few projects but never really get very far.

Maybe there is an element of self-doubt to the whole thing as well. Until it comes down to it and someone is counting on me I don’t have enough internal confidence to trust myself to come up with something wonderful.

I’m not sure what it is, or how to solve it. I just know I wish it would stop it already, I have projects and ideas I want to see through for no one other than myself and I can’t seem to find the self-discipline to set a deadline that my creativity will think I’m serious about. So I end up looking and feeling like the worlds greatest procrastinator. Some how I need to become the master of my creativity, not the other way around. But I fear that breaking it and bending it to my will would also break its spirit giving it parameters and barriers it should not have.

What a quandary. Somebody give me an urgent deadline. I have things I need to get written.

Dancing When Somebody's Watching

I’ve been thinking about what to write here for a while. Nothing has seemed quite right, so I’ve been in a bit of a quandary. But I realized something today. I’m once again procrastinating doing what I love because of my own self doubts. I’m not gaining the exhilaration that comes when I’m creating something that excites me because I’m spending all of my time worry about whether or not what I want to write will be interesting. Odds are if I’m thinking about it this much, it won’t be.

That’s the interesting thing about me, and probably most writers. I have two minds and a large assortment of voices in my head. If I always listen to the one that wants me to be perfect, witty, inspiring and interesting all the time, I’d never write at all. The reason I do write is because I appreciate these things in the world around me. I count on that love to be conveyed in what I write, when I’m being critical I’m not feeling that joy, why should anyone else feel it?

That worrying, critical voice is the one I need to turn off if I expect to begin. I need to give myself permission to just be myself, to see and feel what makes me happiest and then express that. Once I begin, the critical voices begin to quiet as they watch the creative voices set to work. The more they work, the more there is to work from.

Sometimes you just need to give yourself permission to play with the reckless abandonment of youth. You need to dance in spite of the fact that someone may be looking. Then the dance, or the story, will be beautiful and fulfilling.