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I'm a writer and library worker who wears many hats. I believe a good book and a good piece of chocolate are the keys to a happy life.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Dancing When Somebody's Watching

I’ve been thinking about what to write here for a while. Nothing has seemed quite right, so I’ve been in a bit of a quandary. But I realized something today. I’m once again procrastinating doing what I love because of my own self doubts. I’m not gaining the exhilaration that comes when I’m creating something that excites me because I’m spending all of my time worry about whether or not what I want to write will be interesting. Odds are if I’m thinking about it this much, it won’t be.

That’s the interesting thing about me, and probably most writers. I have two minds and a large assortment of voices in my head. If I always listen to the one that wants me to be perfect, witty, inspiring and interesting all the time, I’d never write at all. The reason I do write is because I appreciate these things in the world around me. I count on that love to be conveyed in what I write, when I’m being critical I’m not feeling that joy, why should anyone else feel it?

That worrying, critical voice is the one I need to turn off if I expect to begin. I need to give myself permission to just be myself, to see and feel what makes me happiest and then express that. Once I begin, the critical voices begin to quiet as they watch the creative voices set to work. The more they work, the more there is to work from.

Sometimes you just need to give yourself permission to play with the reckless abandonment of youth. You need to dance in spite of the fact that someone may be looking. Then the dance, or the story, will be beautiful and fulfilling.


Crystal Liechty said...

Amen, sistah! Especially the part about the two brains. I'm so glad I'm not the only one who's like this.

Anonymous said...

You know, if anyone other than a writer talked so openly about the voices in their head, I'd be really worried...

As it stands, I'm so glad I'm not the only one who hears them!

Kim Thompson said...

You described my feelings exactly. Thanks for the reminder to dance, even if someone is watching!

Alison Palmer said...

Ah, the brains and voices. I'd talk to them about the fact that they shouldn't be there, but in the words of a friend, "They scare me."
So I just keep playing along and try not to mutter too much in public.
Writers are so miss understood!
Thanks for stopping by!