Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda

This week is turning out to be a little difficult for me. I recently learned that someone I knew many years ago passed away. I have not spoken to him for years, but I should have. A part of me realized that the relationship deserved attention but it would have been difficult to do so. Things passed between us that made it uncomfortable for me to be around him. I know that I owed him more than a cursory “We’ll keep in touch.” But, I never got around to making it happen.

Oh, I made a few attempts, some more serious than others, to find him and reconnect but life always got in the way. It seemed unimportant. It was uncomfortable to consider. I didn’t want to take that risk. It was easier just to keep things the way they were. I was sure there would be time and opportunity to set things right someday. Now there are no more somedays for me to count on.

I learned from his family that he felt almost the same way. He wanted to continue our relationship; our parting was hurtful for him as well. Probably more so than for me. He thought about trying to find me, but he didn’t want to rock the boat. He didn’t want to bring back bad feelings instead of taking the chance that we could erase them and start over.

There are things I should have said to him, “I’m sorry” being one of them. I was too scared and too comfortable in my life to say them. I wonder if at the time of his passing he looked down to check on me and realized that I still harbored my own sense of self-righteousness toward him. I still wanted to blame him and only him, even though I knew full well the blame was not his alone. It’s not easy to look in the mirror and realize there should have been repentance and restitution long ago. I thought I was doing the right thing by just letting it go and trying to leave it in the past. I was still counting on someday and dreading the very thought of it in the same moment.

Not that too late repentance is the best way to go about things, but I hope he checks back and realizes I really was sorry. I just didn’t know how to say it or what to do about it. I was too scared of being hurt again. Yes, I had scars that weren’t easy to heal but I forgot that while I was going on with my life, he was too. Only maybe, just maybe, his scars weren’t healing at all. My choices cost him happiness he could have had. Do I know that for sure? I can’t. I made a different choice and that is the path of consequences I now walk. I do know that it’s taught me that there are some things that just shouldn’t be put off, no matter how difficult they may be.

Forged in the Refiner’s Fire by Elizabeth A. Cheever and Candace E. Salima

What is your greatest challenge? What is the hidden sorrow that brings tears to your eyes every time you try to express your worries and concerns to your Heavenly Father?

No matter what trial, station, or stage of life you may be in Forged in the Refiner’s Fire can offer a source of understanding, hope, and comfort. Co-authored by Elizabeth A. Cheever and Candace E. Salima, Forged in the Refiner’s Fire is a collection of true stories. On every page and in every chapter you will read of real people with a variety of very real problems who have learned to rely on the Lord and come out stronger than they were before.

The opening pages of Forged in the Refiner’s Fire include the following quote:

“In the pain, the agony, and the heroic endeavors of life, we pass through a Refiner’s fire, and the insignificant and the unimportant in our lives can melt away like dross and make our faith bright, intact, and strong. In this way the divine image can be mirrored from our souls. It is part of the purging toll exacted of some to become acquainted with God. In the agonies of life, we seem to listen better to the faint, godly whisperings of the Divine Shepherd.” James E. Faust

The book itself is definitely a testimony to the truthfulness and power of those words. It’s a great place to look for understanding and perspective as we each struggle with our own trials of fire.

I carried Forged in the Refiner’s Fire with me to the library in order to snag some reading time while my children were in an activity. Because of my great love for Candace and the poignant way she tells her own story in “Lean Not Unto Thine Own Understanding”, I’m afraid I made a complete spectacle of myself bawling my eyes out in front of a bunch of wary strangers.

“My Journey of Journeys”, “He Loves Me in Spite of My Weakness”, and “Working Under the Hand of the Lord” were also stories that touched the deepest parts of my nature, sharing several messages I personally needed to hear.

If you feel rushed when you begin to read, a couple of the stories might seem to be a little long and drawn out. I don’t feel this is actually such a bad thing. The individual author is just trying, the best way they know how, to help you experience their thoughts and feelings. Just as you wouldn’t interrupt a dear friend’s train of thought as they were sharing such things with you, read attentively. It’s worth it. Though Forged in the Refiner’s Fire shows high quality work, this book is definitely one that is to be read and understood through the heart. Its greatest strength is its ability to portray emotion and support, not literary acclaim. It’s one of those books you want to take a highlighter to so you don’t forget where to find all the little gems of wisdom. Forged in the Refiner’s Fire deserves an honored place on your bookshelf. You’ll want to know you can easily reach out and grab it when ever your heart needs comfort.

I’m thrilled to also provide you with this video spotlight of Candace Salima sharing her own thoughts and feelings about Forged in the Refiners Fire. Take a moment to watch her spirit shine through and inspire you.




Candace is currently doing a virtual book tour. You can follow her progress and gain more insight into Forged in the Refiner’s Fire on her own blog, Dream a little dream with me . . .

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Counting Blessings by Kerry Blair

Several months ago I learned a beautiful lesson from one of the sweetest people I am privileged to know. She taught me about problems and elephants. Yes, that seems like a strange combination but when she explained it, it worked. I learned that problems can be just like elephants: it’s all in the perspective. Even the smallest elephant, held in front of your eyes can become huge and block out everything else around it. Big elephants cause the same problem. Every problem needs to be part of a bigger perspective. If all we ever look at is our elephant, then we miss out on everything else in our lives and in the lives of those we care about.

She was discussing a very difficult elephant in her own life. At first, my heart broke for her. Then, she taught me about elephants and asked those of us who would read her words to help her keep her own elephant in perspective. She asked us to remember that she was more than her problem. She asked us for elephant jokes. My time reading her words started with tears of sorrow and ended with side-splitting tears of laughter. I’ve never read so many dumb elephant jokes in my life. I found a few favorites and a greater love for my friend.

I had Kerry Blair’s latest title on my “to read” list because I loved and respected her. After learning about elephants, I was eager to sit at her feet once again. I soon moved that book from “to read”, to “bought”, to “read” and I loved every minute of it.

Have you ever wanted to have a dear friend take a soul-baring chocolate brake with you? That’s what reading Counting Blessings by Kerry Blair feels like. Her sweet, wise spirit radiates out from the pages and covers your own heart with a comforting blanket of love and testimony. Each essay shares an intimate look at the issues many women face, through the eyes of Kerry. It’s a great place to gain perspective of your own elephants and the blessings hiding behind them.

You can open her book to any chapter and find yourself being gently taught and inspired. It’s a true joy to experience and I highly recommend it for those quiet moments when you need a little chocolate, a gentle touch, and council of a wise woman. Whether you’ll begin with tears of understanding or laughter, I can’t predict. What I can promise is you’ll find both experiences in this special little book: Counting Blessings.

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